Skip to main content

A Chance to Share your Divorce Experience: “…AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW”

A colleague shared with us her idea for writing a book on divorce comprised of actual letters written by ex-spouses to their former partners.  Recently one such letter went viral and another colleague of ours pointed out the wisdom that could be gained from this type of correspondence.

We think this type of a collection has great potential for informing both divorcing spouses and the professionals that assist them, and we want to support Vicki Shemin, J.D., LICSW, ACSW, of the Boston Law Collaborative, in her efforts.  If you are divorced, or know someone who is, please consider responding to the below inquiry or passing it on to those who may be interested:

“…AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW”

Dear Prospective Book Participant:

I write to invite you to participate in a unique educational opportunity.  I am writing a book that will be a collection of actual letters to ex-spouses from individuals such as yourself.  These are not necessarily copies of letters that were ever sent to your ex-spouse, but are more likely to be letters you would be writing now - for the first time (which you may choose never to send), expressing to your ex-spouse what you “just wanted them to know” as you reflect back upon your marriage, divorce, and all that has followed.

My hope is that engaging in the actual introspection and writing of this anonymous letter will not only prove cathartic to you, but will serve as a tremendous contribution to the professions of psychology, law, theology and medicine - as therapists, family lawyers, clergy and psychiatrists have much to learn from the vantage point of your experience.

There is no page length, no direction you “should” take – other than to write from the heart. Although the letters will be published anonymously, it is impossible to guarantee that someone will not recognize your letter or claim to recognize your letter; therefore, you may wish to modify certain distinguishing factors (e.g., any  geographical locales identified; any names used or professions referenced; or, number/gender of any children mentioned). That said, I am requesting that, along with your letter, you complete a survey: for purposes of the survey, please be 100% accurate and honest in your responses since this part of the book will be used for educational purposes.  More specifically, I intend to subcategorize the letters into various chapters based on interesting variables such as how long couples had been married, whether they had children together, and whether either ex-spouse subsequently remarried.


Here is how to proceed:

1.         Please note that all letters MUST start the same way:  “…and I just wanted you to know”

2.         Please feel free to write your letter on any stationery or via any medium you prefer (be it handwritten, via email, fax, etc.)

3.         Please complete the SurveyMonkey survey found here.

4.         Here is the tricky part:  I need to be able to connect your “surveymonkey” responses to your letter!

a.  Take the surveymonkey online and then simply print out the completed survey and transmit it to me - along with your letter - via email, fax or U.S. mail.

b.  If you are unable to print out a copy of the survey to return with your letter, then when you send me your letter, please tell me the exact time and date you transmitted the surveymonkey and tell me some “identifying” information about one of your survey answers that will help me connect your letter and the survey.  [For example: “Vicki - I sent you the surveymonkey on December 21, 2014 at 8:42 p.m. and replied in #10 of the survey that ‘my ex-spouse is a wonderful woman who loved her job more than she ever could have loved me.’ ”]

c.  Here is how to get BOTH the LETTER & THE SURVEY back to me (via email, fax, or U.S. mail):

Vicki L. Shemin, J.D., LICSW, ACSW
c/o Boston Law Collaborative, LLC
99 Summer Street, Suite 1600
Boston, MA 02110
Tel: (617) 439-4700 ext. 210
Fax: (617) 439-0700
VShemin@BostonLawCollaborative.com

* Please remember: If you do not send both your letter and survey to me together, then please let me know via separate communication that your letter and your survey are uniquely linked by some identifying information so that I can connect them for research purposes.  Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

MANY THANKS FOR YOUR MOST VALUABLE CONTRIBUTION!

BEST, VICKI L. SHEMIN

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

New Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines (2021): Big Changes, Little Changes, Typos & some Unexpected Results

UPDATE: The court has released a web calculating version of the 2021 MA Child Support Guidelines Worksheet .  It resolves some of the typos referred to below, but the unexpected calculations still apply. Every four years, per federal mandate, the Massachusetts Probate & Family Court revisits the Child Support Guidelines through the work of a Task Force appointed by the Chief Justice.  The 2021 Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines were recently posted.  They take effect on October 4, 2021.    If you are interested in a training on all of these changes to the new Child Support Guidelines: DMTA Presents the 2021 MA Child Support Guidelines Update  – Attend this event to learn the key updates you need to know for your mediation clients. Presented by Justin Kelsey of  Divorce Mediation Training Associates  and  Skylark Law & Mediation, PC . For a full comparison of all the  tracked changes between the 2018 and 2021 Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines you can download a pdf sho

What is the purpose of the Divorce Nisi waiting period?

In Massachusetts the statutory waiting period after a Judgment of Divorce and before the divorce becomes final (or absolute) is called the Nisi period. After a divorce case settles or goes to trial, a Judgment of Divorce Nisi will issue and it will become Absolute after a further ninety (90) days. This waiting period serves the purpose of allowing parties to change their mind before the divorce becomes final. If the Judgment of Divorce Nisi has issued but not become final yet, and you and your spouse decide you don't want to get divorced, then you can file a Motion to Dismiss and the Judgment will be undone. Although many of my clients who are getting divorced think the idea of getting back together with their ex sounds crazy, I have had cases where this happened. In addition to offering a grace period to change your mind, the Nisi period has three other legal effects: 1. The most obvious effect of the waiting period is that you cannot remarry during the Nisi period, be

Online Tool for Creating Parenting Plans

It is our hope that all families find a way to resolve conflict peacefully.  This is especially true when children are involved.  Divorced or separated parenting has many complications and the first is just deciding how to share time with a child from two separate households.  Developing a schedule can result in a lot of tension, especially if parents have trouble picturing how this new schedule will interact with their work schedules and the schedules of their children. To help make this easier, we've created an online tool for creating parenting plans that is simple and easy to use: We encourage parents, regardless of the process they are using to divorce, to use this form to assist in evaluating and settling custody disputes. The form allows you to choose between the Model Parenting Plan proposals or customize your parenting plan over a four week period by clicking directly on the form.  When you click on a section of the calendar it switches between Mom and Dad, an